For
This I Love Myself!
I
was once just like you
I
hated myself back then
I
know you very well
For
this, you don’t like me at all
I
am the rejected one
I
was the one that no one really wanted around
So
yes, I went away
And
it looked to you, as though I were abandoning you
Did
you ever stop to think or try to understand
How
I was feeling, the pain I was enduring?
I
left because I had to cry and search
Without
your judgments, pity and anger
Without
interference and your truths
I
had to find out how to stop the pain
How
to see and correct what was wrong inside of me
How
to change the way I was thinking and acting
How
to stop the tormenting screaming in my mind
To
end the jumbled thoughts that had tied themselves in knots
And
caused the pain in my head
While
my heart was crashing and shattering
Into
fragments of dust
Questions
had to be answered
I
left to find the answers
Things
had to change
I
left to learn that change
The
cycle of abuse and lies had to be broken
I
had to break it
Why
was my family hating each other and calling that hate love?
How
did love get so twisted in our minds?
Why
were there so much: judgment, jealousy, anger, resentment, pride and competition
Between
people who professed to love each other so deeply?
How
do we call degradation, humiliation, intimidation and non-forgiveness love?
How
do we call deceit, denial and pretence love?
If
we speak to each other with anger in our hearts
Should
we call that love?
If
our rage causes us to become physically violent
Should
we call that love?
If
we are jealous and pretend not to be
Should
we call that love?
If
we judge and mock each other
Should
we call that love?
If
we gossip behind each other’s back
Should
we call that love?
If
we fight and argue
Should
we call that love?
If
we strike each other in our rage
Should
we call that love?
Then
if we hold resentment for all of this
Should
we call it love?
Our
family taught that if we did not fight and argue we did not love???
Therfore
if we did not abuse each other we did not love!
I
had to somehow change this belief!
Yes
I went away to find the answers
To
change the things that had to be changed
To
understand how it all got this way
To
deal with my pain and forgive myself and all of you
To
learn how to truly love
And
yes I found the answers
I
would love to share them with you
I
stepped out of denial
Broke
the cycle of abuse
And
Into LOVE
For
myself, my children, my grandchildren, their children and so on
For
this I am grateful to myself
For
this I now Love Myself
And
I can teach my children how to love
Maybe
my grandchildren will be loved!
Angel
